All Screwed Up
by KittenRainbow
Summary: Kamek (by order of his master) has made a special potion that is "guaranteed" to grant the user (and another user) invincibility over the other. Bowser immediately proceeds to use this potion, along with giving it secretly to Mario. But when Kamek accidentally mixes up the chemicals, they don't quite wake up the same. Please R&R, if you will!
1. Chapter 1

Kamek was busy working in his special chemistry lab...or was supposed to. He had gotten lazy a while ago and was now sitting in his easy chair, watching reruns of his favorite show, _Magikoopa: Love and Lies_. "Jimmy, you better apologize to Dayana before she calls security," he said to himself. He ate a handful of popcorn. "He's so stupid."

"KAMEK!" King Bowser's voice roared through the door. "You better be done with my new potion!"

Kamek yelped and jumped out of his chair, spilling the popcorn. He turned off the portable TV and raced to the chemicals. "I'll be r-right there, K-king Bowser!" he stuttered. He began pouring random chemicals into a potion bottle marked **GIVE THIS TO THE FAT BAD DUDE IN CHARGE**. He kept his eye on the door, readying his feet to run if the Koopa King should come barging in the room.

"_HURRY THE HELL UP, KAMEK!_" Bowser roared, banging on the door.

"Coming!" Kamek said, hurrying toward the door. But then he stopped. "Dang, I forgot!" He quickly peeled off the sign saying **GIVE THIS TO THE FAT BAD DUDE IN CHARGE** and placed a label saying **FOR HIS MAJESTY KING BOWSER** on it. "There we go," he said as he opened the door.

Bowser stood in front of him, his arms crossed. "You weren't watching _Magikoopa: Love and Lies_, were you?" he asked.

Kamek faked shock. "Me? When I am supposed to be hard at work? Never!" He glanced back guiltily at the TV in the corner.

"So, where is the potion you said you were going to make?" he asked.

"Oh, right here," Kamek held up the bottle. The liquid gleamed evilly. "I even made it lemon-scented." He practically wiggled with happiness.

Bowser held it gently in his hands like it was a newborn baby, although he was not the type of person to treat a newborn baby very kindly. "It's so...purple," he said.

"Uh.._yeah_," Kamek said awkwardly.

"So what does it do?"

"You take half, and whoever else you want to takes half, and whoever drinks it first will be given invincibility over the other," Kamek said proudly.

"So...if I make Mario drink the other half, I will be given invincibility over him?!" Bowser gushed.

"Um, yeah."

"AWESOME!" Bowser yelled happily. He raced out of the chemistry lab, singing, "_I'm going to be invincible! I'm going to be invincible!_"

"I hope it does," Kamek said quietly. Then he turned and ran back to his TV. "I gotta see if Dayana snitched Jimmy out," he said breathlessly.

AN: Yesh...new story thingie. :D Hope you like! R&R, please!

_Magikoopa: Love and Lies_ belongs to me. It's a soap opera. :D


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile, in that little part of the MK where Toads do the happy dance...

"Mario, where's the remote control?!"

Mario looked up from eating his Big Bowser Special. "What remote?"

"You know, the little box that controls the magic box where moving pictures are?"

"_Ooohhhh_, that one," Mario said, nodding. "I think you're sitting under it."

"No, it's not!" Luigi said indignantly. "I already checked under there ten times!"

"Check the _other_ side."

Luigi shifted around in his seat. "Oh, here it is!" he said happily. He held it up.

"Um, Luigi, that's a juice box. And it was mine," Mario said, a disgusted look on his face.

"It is...?" his brother said, looking at it. "Aw man, I thought it was the remote."

"The remote is under you on the _right_ side."

Just as Luigi was about to check, Peach and Daisy came in, each holding a pie. "Hey, guys!" they said.

"What?" the bros said without even looking up.

Peach and Daisy had the "you-gotta-be-kidding-they're-not-even-paying-attention" face. "Um, when we talk to you, you're supposed to look up," they said.

"Oh, really? Name ten reasons," Luigi said, finally finding the remote from under his rear. He flicked through the channels effortlessly. Then he stopped. "Ooh! It's _Magikoopa: Love and Lies_!"

Mario instantly stopped eating and sat on the couch next to Luigi. "Ooh, did Dayana snitch on Jimmy?!" he said excitedly.

"_Hell_, yeah, she did! And look, Jimmy on the run from the fuzz!"

Mario and Luigi started laughing at the Magikoopa on the magic box.

Irritated, Peach walked over and stood in front of the TV, her arms crossed. "Guys," she said sternly.

"Um, Peach, could you move over?" Luigi asked, leaning over. "You're blocking the TV."

With a mad look on her face, Daisy threw the pie she was holding at the TV. It fizzed and blacked out.

"_Awwww,_" the bros cried, disappointed.

"Listen to us when we're talking to you!" Daisy barked. "Jeez, you're making us look like we're in a poorly-written story on some random fanfiction website written by some lame girl who lives in Las Vegas!"

"Okay, what do you want?" Luigi said.

"We have just created-"

"Daisy! What the heck are you doing?" Peach asked, shocked. "We rehearsed this, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Daisy said. Immediately, she and the pink princess stood in front of the bros, who were quickly losing patience.

"Ready?"

_"Ready!"_

**From ****_Starlighters, Inc. _****, we are proud to introduce...THE FLOATING PIE!  
YES, THE FLOATING PIE! DESIGNED EXCLUSIVELY BY OUR BELOVED ROYAL CHICKS, PEACH AND DAISY, THIS PIE HAS THE UNIQUE ABILITY TO HOVER IN MID-AIR FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THEN SPLATTER INTO THE VICTIM'S FACE! IT SAVES YOU PRECIOUS TIME AND ENERGY! (NOW COMES IN APPLE, CHERRY AND GRAPE!)**

"So, what do you think?" Peach asked, gushing. Her smile vanished as she saw both Mario and Luigi sleeping on the couch.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Daisy yelled in frustration. She took Peach's pie and threw it at the sleeping figures, which hit Mario square in the face.

He made a odd sound as he woke up. He opened his eyes and saw that his vision was white and blurry. "What the hell?" he said out loud. He reached up with his hands and wiped some of the stuff off.

"Ooh, it's cream filling!" he said happily as he took some of the cream and put it in his mouth. "Aw, I love cherry!"

Suddenly, the door slammed open. A _very_ familiar Magikoopa disguised as a Toad walked in. He was holding a heart-shaped bottle in his hand, cradling it as though it was a fragile jewel that would break. "Uh...Mario!" he said in a obviously fake Toad-like voice.

Because the cream filling had gotten all over his face (no thanks to YOU, Daisy!), Mario couldn't see or hear very well. So, I guess that's why he thought it was his mushroom friend.

"Oh, hi, Toad!" he said, still wiping the cream off.

After staring at the cream on the plumber's face for a second, with a disturbed look on his face (well, the cream was purple, what do you expect?), he shook his head. "I...I have a gift from Peach!" he said.

"Um, dude, I'm right here," Peach said.

"Shut up!" he hissed at her. Then he turned back to Mario. "It is a very special type of..." he looked at the bottle, "_grape_ juice that is designed to increase your speed and strength!"

"Aww, you made that for me?" Mario asked, looking at Peach.

"No, I didn't," Peach said, suspicious of the fake Toad.

Mario didn't hear her. "That's great!" he said happily, taking the bottle and looking at it. "I am a little thirsty, ever since Luigi here sat on my own juice box." He looked up at the Magikoopa. "You said it was grape, right?"

"Uh...yeah! Yeah, it is!"

"Sweet!" Mario said, opening the bottle and drinking it all. Then he hiccuped. "Oh...a little fermented, huh?" he said, dropping the bottle.

The Magikoopa couldn't help but smile. His plan finally worked. He knew Mario's appetite would lead him to this. "Okay then...bye." He immediately dashed out.

Everyone looked at each other. "That was random."

AN: **Starlighters, Inc. **also belongs to me.

OMIGOSH DAISY BROKE THE FOURTH WALL! :O


	3. Chapter 3

_Augh, man...what happened? I don't remember going to bed at all..._

_That must have been one awesome party I went to last night! I'm totally beat. Wait...when did I go to a party? And...and...why do I feel...like I've lost some weight?_

Groaning softly, Bowser rolled himself out of bed. He scratched his side as he walked toward his bathroom...

...And walked smack into a wall.

_What the-?_ he thought. _My bathroom was right here...wasn't it?_ Then he took a closer look at the wall.

_When did I tell Kamek to paint the walls red?_

As he gazed at the wall, his eyes widened. This wasn't his room! The mushroom lamp, the pictures of Peach, the packets of Ramen chicken noodles...

**This was ****_Mario's_**** room!**

"Holy son of a Koopa!" Bowser exclaimed. "How did I get here?! When did I get here?!"

Just then, Luigi walked past the open door. "Um, you got here when you walked in here last night, dude." He continued walking, whistling softly to himself.

Bowser stared after him in disbelief. Did Luigi seriously walk past him and talk to him like that? Usually, Luigi cowered in fear whenever he saw him! Why would he talk to him as if...

_As if he were Mario?_

His eyes widening in horror, Bowser ran to the doorway. "Luigi!" he called. _Holy crap, my voice changed!_ he thought to himself.

Luigi came back. "What?" he asked.

"Uh...um...where's the bathroom again?" Bowser asked, mortified at how Italian his voice sounded.

Luigi stared at him for a second, then burst out laughing. "You _forgot?!"_ he said.

Bowser narrowed his eyes at him. "You forget too, sometimes!" he said indignantly, the words coming out of his mouth before he could stop them.

_Did I just say that? I don't even know if that's true!_

Luigi chuckled nervously, his cheeks reddening. "Heh, heh..." he said. "Door to the left." He quickly sprinted away.

Bowser stared after him skeptically. Then he shook his head and walked over to the bathroom.

He turned on the lights and gazed into the mirror, then let out the loudest scream of his life.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

* * *

AN: So now, we see what were _really_ the effects of Kamek's so-called "invincibility" potion. :D

switchie-switchie!


	4. Chapter 4

Luigi came back quickly. "What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

Bowser was looking at his human body in disgust. "I'm...I'm _Mario!_" he cried.

"Uhhh..._yeah_, you are," Luigi asked, completely confused. "Um, are you okay up there...? You're looking kinda weird..."

Bowser suddenly realized that this green-clad plumber thought that he was actually Mario, and that he shouldn't do anything to give away his real identity. "Uh...I mean, I'm gonna go out to eat something!" he said nervously as he walked out of the bathroom and began going down the stairs.

Luigi started to laugh. "In your pajamas?"

_Crap_, Bowser thought. _It's bad enough that I'm in Mario's body; I don't want to know what __**else**__ he's got!_ "Um...I know that. I, uh...I'll just go out like this."

Mario's little brother looked at him as though he had just grown an extra head. Then he lightened up. "Okay, then. But remember that today we got to go to Peach's Castle."

"What the hell for?"

Luigi was a bit surprised. "Uh, Mario, didn't you want to propose to her?"

The world seemed to stop around Bowser as he screamed: "HE WANTS TO DO _WHAT?!_"

* * *

**In Dark Land...**

_Damn...these bed sheets never felt so comfortable..._ Mario thought sleepily to himself as he dozed off in a large luxurious king-size. He half-opened his eyes and saw a distant fireplace in the corner. _That's a pretty fireplace..._

Suddenly he sat up in bed. "I don't have a fireplace in my room!" he said out loud.

His eyes darted around quickly, growing more scared by the minute. "What the...? This isn't my room! Where am I?!"

Mario grew quiet. "And...is that...my _voice?!_" he cried. His voice sounded just like Bowser: low and deep, with just a hint of a Dragon Koopa accent.

"Is there a problem?" a voice asked.

Mario was immediately on the defensive. "W-Who said that?" he asked, wary.

"Uh, I did, King Bowser, your Most Ultimate Awesomeness," Kamek said, floating gently on his broom.

_Bowser_...? Mario thought. He lowered his gaze and gave a horrified gasp. "_Mamma mia!_"

"Your Grouchiness, are you alright? Do you seek medical attention?" Kamek asked urgently, ready to assist his master. "Any particular reason why you're speaking Italian?"

_Omigosh...omigosh, omigosh, omigosh...I'M IN BOWSER'S BODY! HOW IN THE LIVING FRENCH TOAST DID __**THAT**__ HAPPEN?!_ Mario thought feverishly in his head. There had to be a mistake...he had to be dreaming! He quickly yanked off the covers and stared at himself. "Oh. My. God."

"What is it, your Majesty?" Kamek asked.

"I'M COVERED IN SCALES! EW, GROSS!" Mario screamed. He gently poked at a particular spot on his belly. "Eww.." He turned, and instead of seeing space, he saw a large dark green shell with pointy spikes on his back. "And I have a shell, too," he said faintly.

"Yes, you've always had that shell since you were a baby Koopa," Kamek said calmly, obviously used to this sort of erratic behavior.

Mario was almost too afraid to continue, but nonetheless, he raised his (scaly) arms and touched the top of his head. "Are those...horns on my head...?" he asked. He felt their tough durability. "Oh, God..."

He really was Bowser...

* * *

Before he or Kamek could say anything else, a Koopa Troopa came in the room. "King Bowser!" he called eagerly.

Mario, hands still on his head, was too stunned to say anything.

Kamek answered for him. "Yes, what do you want?"

"Are we still gonna attack Peach's Castle today?" the Koopa Troopa asked.

Mario was appalled. "We're not attacking Peach's Castle!" he said indignantly, lowering his arms. "What are you talking about...?!"

The Koopa Troopa was a bit confused. "A-Are you sure...? Because it said h-here in the agenda...that we would attack today..."

"No, we are not!" Mario said, literally blowing steam out of his nostrils. His Dragon Koopa hands curled into fists. "We're not attacking anyone or taking over any kingdoms today! That's stupid!"

"King Bowser-" Kamek started to say.

"_**WE'RE NOT ATTACKING PEACH'S CASTLE AND THAT'S FINAL!**_" Mario yelled, unleashing a torrent of flames from the back of his throat, nearly burning the wall. Then he quickly backed down, placing his hand against his forehead. That was tiring.

The Koopa Troopa was almost too afraid to speak. "T-Then what are w-we gonna do t-today?"

Mario was still trying to calm down, which he found hard to do. The Koopa King really had a short temper. "Tell you what," he breathed, "How about we just do nothing today? Just relax, kick back, take the day off, you and all the minions."

"Omigosh, _really?_" the Koopa Troopa said, excited. "We never get a day off!"

Mario smiled, liking this sort of authority. "Yeah, he said. "Actually, I think I'll give all of you a raise."

"_You're gonna give us a raise!?_" the Koopa Troopa said, practically squealing. "You're the best, King Bowser! Thanks!" He sprinted out of the room.

"Anytime, Hal," Mario said.

The Koopa Troopa came back into the room. "That's not my name, but I'm so happy, I don't care!" He ran out again, laughing.

Kamek looked at his master skeptically. "Since when do you give minions a day off..?" he asked.

Mario felt his cheeks begin to burn. "Uh...since now?" he said nervously.

There was an awkward silence for a bit.

...

"_Can I have the day off too?!_" Kamek asked, filled with hope.

Mario was relieved. "Sure, go crazy," he said nonchalantly. "We'll do stuff another day."

Kamek did a loop-de-loop on his broom. "YES! Thank you, Bowser!" He zoomed out of the room, extinguishing a single candle on the way out.

Mario exhaled slowly and looked around the room. "Y'know," he said softly. "I think I'll go join the minions." He stretched quickly and walked out of the room, forgetting (for the moment) about the fact that he was in his nemesis's body. He was gonna have fun today.

* * *

AN: Looks like Mario's gonna enjoy being in the Koopa King's body...too bad I can't really say the same for the Koopa King himself...


	5. Chapter 5

"Uh, you wanted to propose to Peach, didn't you?" Luigi asked, confused.

Bowser was raging inside his head. "Ooh, that Mario's gonna _get it!_ How dare he try to propose to Peach! When I see him, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind and also a nice hot serve of my Zero Flame! That'll teach him!"

"Hello? Earth to Mario? Dude, are you alright up there?" Luigi asked, waving his hand in front of his brother's face. "We gotta go to Peach's Castle, remember?"

Bowser quickly snapped out of his mental raging. "Oh right, yeah, whatever." He quickly put on the first shoes he saw and went out the door.

Luigi stared after him. "Hmm..." he said. "First, he's acting all weird, then he doesn't want to get dressed, and now he's wearing the bunny slippers...oh well, he's probably just nervous about proposing to Peach." He shrugged and followed his brother.

* * *

Peach was in the backyard gardens. She was relaxing in one of the many benches, her long blonde hair flowing softly in the morning breeze. She inhaled deeply and the sweet aroma of daffodils and roses came to her. "Ahh, it's such a lovely day today..." she whispered to herself.

"Hey, Peach!"

The princess opened her blue eyes. Who was that? She looked around and saw Mario and Luigi coming toward her.

"Oh, hello, Mario and Luigi-" she was about to say when she got a closer look at them. "Mario...? Are you...wearing _pajamas?_"

Ignoring the question, Bowser strolled right up to her and took her hand. "_Il mio Peach bello, ci siamo incontrati di nuovo,_"***** he said passionately. He gently kissed her hand.

Peach blushed pink. "Oh, Mario..." she said. "That's awfully sweet of you, b-but you know I don't speak Italian."

"I don't, either," Bowser said, not fully hearing her. He pulled her up from her seat. "Now, my darling," he said, twirling her around and then placing his hand on her waist, "shall we head on over to dine at a fine place? _Sarà semplicemente divina, non credi?_"******

Peach wasn't sure how to answer. She didn't know Italian, how was she supposed to know what he was saying? "Uh...what you said," she replied awkwardly.

"_Meraviglioso!_"******* Bowser said happily, not realizing at all that he was speaking another language. "We shall go right away!" He held her hand and began leading her away.

Peach quickly turned her head to look at Luigi. _What's going on with Mario...?!_ she mouthed.

_I don't know!_ Luigi mouthed back. He decided to follow them, just in case that something crazy might just happen.

* * *

*****= "My beautiful Peach, we have met again."  
******= "It will be simply divine, don't you think?"  
*******= "Wonderful!"

For all you non-Italian speakers. :D  
Hope you like!


	6. Chapter 6

_ Meanwhile, while Luigi and Peach were wondering what was up with Mario (Bowser) and his crazy Italian-speaking behavior..._

* * *

Bowser (Mario) was playing some _Mario Kart Wii_ on the Wii XL that was in the Game Room with some of the minions.

"Ooh, get ready to get your minion selves pummeled by my awesome wrath!" Mario was saying as he readied himself with the controller.

"Yeah, you said it, King Bowser, Your Most Extreme Awesomeness!" the Koopa Troopa (who Mario had called Hal) said eagerly. "I never thought you would agree to play with me!"

"Just 'Bowser' is fine," Mario said nonchalantly. "But you're gonna eat my dust when I beat you at this race!" He dashed forward when the race started, leaving the Koopa Troopa behind.

"Oh, no, you're not!" the Koopa Troopa said excitedly as he shot forward, having gotten a Mushroom as an item.

The other minions were watching, as excited as little children eagerly awaiting their adorned presents on a snowy white Christmas morning. They were cheering and clapping (well, the Koopas, since sadly, the Goombas lack hands) and even placing wagers on the two racers.

"I'm putting my money on Jeff (the Koopa Troopa)!" a Goomba named Roger said, somehow holding a couple Bowser Dollars (lol) in the air.

"You got it all wrong!" a Paratroopa huffed, yanking some cash out of his pocket. "My money's going on the King of Ultra PWN, Bowser!"

Some random Lakitu was watching and announcing the events unfold through a microphone. "Alright, ladies and Goombas, we are entering the third lap! Bowser is ahead by a good stretch of a mile, and-oh! Looks like Jeff is starting to retaliate, folks! He's rapidly speeding up with some triple Mushrooms! But wait, Bowser strikes back with some deadly triple Green Shells! Ooh, this is gonna be good!"

The Koopas and Goombas had never felt so exhilarated in their lives. They were going _nuts_, cheering out the names that they were rooting for.

"Go Bowser! You rock!"

"You can do this, Jeff! You can win!"

All this cheering was motivating both Mario and Jeff to do better. There had never been such excitement.

The Lakitu was still announcing. Okay, we are starting to get close to the finish! It looks like it's gonna be Bowser who wins-HOLD THE FLYING UNICORNS, PEOPLE! **BLUE SHELL ALERT! BLUE SHELL ALERT!** COMING SPEEDY FAST AT 3 'O CLOCK!"

"Not the Blue Shell!" the minions gasped. "Who is it gonna hit?!"

Mario and Jeff were both at neck and neck. They had no idea who the dreaded blue shell was gonna come after. The suspense hung deep in the air, and was growing a lot, since the blue shell was coming up _very_ fast!

"It's coming, folks!" the Lakitu said, sweat dripping from his forehead from all the excitement. "It's getting closer, and closer and-HOLY BACON! It struck Jeff, folks! Jeff is down! Bowser zooms ahead, barely missing it, and-OMG! BOWSER WINS! HE WINS THE RACE!"

When Mario realized that he had won, he stood up, gave a loud cheer and struck his mighty Dragon Koopa fist in the air. "_**HELL YEAH! I WON! WOOOO!**_"

He looked down and saw that Jeff was looking a little disappointed, so he quickly reached down and easily picked up the Koopa Troopa, holding him out to the roaring crowd. "But you also did one hell of an awesome job! That was some best racing right there! Awesome job, Jeff!"

Jeff brightened up and smiled. "You really think so, Bowser?" he asked.

"Heck yeah I do! You're one great racer-and a good minion too!" Mario said proudly, wondering why Bowser never gave his minions much compliments before.

"Hooray for Bowser and Jeff!" all of the minions cheered. They took Jeff and gave him a little crowd-surfing. Since Mario was too heavy for the minions the crowd-surf, he just high-fived all the minions happily.

As the minions carried Jeff out of the room, Mario followed, with one thought in his Dragon Koopa head: _If I'm in Bowser's body...what is he doing in mine?"_

* * *

AN: I'm a big sucker for Mario Kart, so I included some video game drama in here. Hope you like!


End file.
